I should have written something before now, but ... hence the title of this blog post. My emotions have been on the greatest of roller coaster rides! How about you? With everything that's happened in our world this year so far, I'm just a "bit" (ha!) whipped! So, I thought I'd come on and just write it down. They (whoever "they" are) say writing things down and getting them out of your head/heart and onto paper helps to deal with whatever it is that's going on in there. Perhaps if I write it down and then you in turn write it down we might all heal just a little bit and perhaps move on, or at least get moving again!
As you may recall, I was the very proud owner of a small boutique style yoga studio here in Anderson, SC, although I really had no intention of opening a studio or teaching for that matter, when the opportunity and demand came about we were ALL in. We were open just about a year and a half when COVID-19 arrived and we had to close our doors, for which we thought would be a couple of weeks, that then turned in to a couple of months and so on. Leading to us closing our beautiful studio.
What a loss. I continued to teach live on FB for quite awhile and it was still so rewarding knowing that everyone that was joining in was still practicing and I was loving being able to provide that place and service for all. Then, the feelings started, the loss of human contact, of which I am a total contact person, and the loss of the energies from my students that filled the studio was gone and I was teaching to an empty room and a camera. Ugh, I truly missed my peeps! With that energy loss and the added tension of the continuing pandemic and then the Presidential election, I began to spiral downward and downward, landing my butt on my comfy couch and a blanket wrapped around me.
Thankfully, I have an amazing partner in my life, my husband, and all of this has brought us even closer, if that is even possible, because we are so close and so happy just being with one another, it's scary. I was able to talk to him about how I was feeling and he nodded, he knew and said that he was just waiting for me to come to the realization on my own. (sigh, smile)
As the pandemic continued we knew we had to do something else, we are very active people and sitting in our home doing nothing was NOT an option. So, we set up a small workout space in our basement next to my at-home studio for us to work out in. My husband was and is an avid work-out guy and religiously went to the gym for some form of workout every day! So, we dove in and we have continued to workout at our home, with weights and a elliptical/stepper combo, that kicks my butt every single time!, with a "sporadic" amount of yoga practice as well. And this is where it gets nuts, as much as I love my yoga practice and I KNOW what and how my practice makes me feel I was not coming to my mat as much as I used to and needed. He knew this and instead of pushing me or shaming me, he let me come to my own realization that this is what was missing from my daily life, of late.
Here's what I'm trying to get at, no matter where you are, no matter how you are feeling, FEEL it on your mat. If you want to just sit and close your eyes, DO THAT!! If you're feeling sad, anxious, mad, lonely, do it on your mat, feel your breath, acknowledge where you are and be there with your feelings and just BREATH. Soon you will feel the body relax, the mind start to open, and the tension in your soul begin to breath too. Forgive yourself, I have, and then just get on your mat. No shame, no berating yourself, none of that. JUST BEGIN AGAIN!
There will always be time to begin again, I'm not saying to forget or ignore the feelings you're having, instead be with them, but be with them in a productive way, perhaps it's just a few sun salutations to let go of the tension you're holding in your body, perhaps it's just sitting with the eyes closed and remembering the release you get from being in your own space on your mat, play those soulful tunes, and just breath.
When tomorrow comes, maybe you start your day with a short practice welcoming the new dawn, or you finish your day with a practice to let go of anything from the day that no longer serves you. We are all beautiful, we are all dealing with a whole bunch of crap and there is no one answer for all, there is just what works for you, whatever that may be TODAY. Lord knows, tomorrow is a whole other ball game.
Be well, be safe and come to your mat, I'll be there too!